Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."
This is comes from a great little section of verses: "whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it..." and "what is a man profited if he gain the whole word, and lose his own soul?" Hopefully at some point I'll be able to take a look at all of them together, with their soul shattering message of all-or-nothing commitment to Jesus. But what jumped out at me recently was the first part of verse 24: "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself..."
The verse sort of builds on itself as it goes. "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself." He has to throw away his own desires. But on top of that, he also has to "take up his cross." Denying yourself pretty much sounds like torture most of the time. So go ahead and pick up that instrument of torture and death. But don't just pick it up. Start walking. "Follow me," the verse says next. Follow Jesus right to Calvary and die to yourself-- for the rest of your life.
Am I the only one that kind of hates this verse a good share of the time?
But let me back up to that part about denying yourself again. It always gets tossed in with the rest like an unpleasant grocery list; deny yourself, take up your cross, follow me...we get it. It's a concept as serious as death. Following Jesus is always a matter of life or death. But there's more to it than just the common conception of denying what you want, what makes you happy, to be miserable and religious--ahem--I mean sober and faithful. We usually think of denying ourselves things or activities that might be sinful, or unprofitable. But what about denying our selves?
When I think of myself I think generally of my whole being. My body, spirit, heart and mind. All the thoughts and emotions and habits and patterns that make up who I truly am. It's a hot mess of good intentions and evil motivations. Desiring to follow Jesus and failing to do so, and all the while continuing with the habits and thought patterns that feed my identity. What if it's that self that Jesus wants us to deny? Not just the things we do, like what we wish we could have said to so 'n so, or that movie we really wanted to see but conscience wouldn't let us. What if it's the very things that make up who we are that need denying?
For instance: fear. The things you fear contribute to who you are. Do you fear failure? Death? Sickness? I've struggled with fear issues SO much. And those fears inevitably take my eyes off Jesus. Rather than determine to do whatever I can to prevent whatever it is from happening, and then leaving it to God, I'll obsess over it, dwell on it. Let it make me doubt my Lord's goodness and love. When it HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET. Get my drift here? Deny that part of yourself. Don't give it room to take over.
What about more religiously acceptable things that imbed themselves in the way we view the world and God? Like guilt. Somehow wallowing it your own inadequacy instead of moving on can become our go-to response for when we mess up. But it's not a Biblical response.
Depression. If you've spent any time being depressed, you know it can be really hard to get away from (and I'm talking here about regular old depression, not major mental illnesses, cause I know what a chemical imbalance in the brain can do). But sometimes, in a weird kind of a way, it feels good too. We can tie ourselves up in this straight jacket and moan about the bad things that are going to happen, or that have already happened to us, and we know that while we're all tied up we can't even try to do anything. It's too hard to get out of it and make a move to fix the problem, or to fix your attitude about the problem (which is often the bigger problem in itself). But again, that WILL get between you and Jesus. Even if you've been wallowing so much that it seems like part of your identity.
You can't get rid of an emotion with a snap of your fingers. But you can choose not to let it rule you.
The list could go on and on. If you've got a tenacious personality, you might struggle with bitterness or obsessions (even if they're for something good). If you just really want to fix people and things, you could have a weakness to nag. If you've been a good little Christian all your life, you might be subconsciously proud of that. If you're going through a tough phase, you might get jealous of that person who looks like they have it all together. If you're a creative dreamer like me, you get so wrapped up in your plans, in your own beautiful imaginary worlds, that they can get a strangle hold on your life.
"Follow me," Jesus says. Frankly, there's no way to remember every moment of every day, for every thought or attitude that pops up, to filter it through self-denial. But follow Jesus. 'Cause something really cool happens when you take your attention off yourself and put it on Him. All those good things start to happen automatically. They will still need conscious effort a lot of the time. But the more space you make for Jesus, the less room you have for yourself. And that's super freeing.
Once you start letting things go and giving them to Him, it becomes less like dying, and more like living.
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 16:25
No comments:
Post a Comment