Deny Yourself: Creative Life Devotional Series

     Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."

     This is comes from a great little section of verses: "whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it..." and "what is a man profited if he gain the whole word, and lose his own soul?" Hopefully at some point I'll be able to take a look at all of them together, with their soul shattering message of all-or-nothing commitment to Jesus. But what jumped out at me recently was the first part of verse 24: "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself..."
     The verse sort of builds on itself as it goes. "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself." He has to throw away his own desires. But on top of that, he also has to "take up his cross." Denying yourself pretty much sounds like torture most of the time. So go ahead and pick up that instrument of torture and death. But don't just pick it up. Start walking. "Follow me," the verse says next. Follow Jesus right to Calvary and die to yourself-- for the rest of your life.
     Am I the only one that kind of hates this verse a good share of the time?
      But let me back up to that part about denying yourself again. It always gets tossed in with the rest like an unpleasant grocery list; deny yourself, take up your cross, follow me...we get it. It's a concept as serious as death. Following Jesus is always a matter of life or death. But there's more to it than just the common conception of denying what you want, what makes you happy, to be miserable and religious--ahem--I mean sober and faithful. We usually think of denying ourselves things or activities that might be sinful, or unprofitable. But what about denying our selves?
     When I think of myself I think generally of my whole being. My body, spirit, heart and mind. All the thoughts and emotions and habits and patterns that make up who I truly am. It's a hot mess of good intentions and evil motivations. Desiring to follow Jesus and failing to do so, and all the while continuing with the habits and thought patterns that feed my identity. What if it's that self that Jesus wants us to deny? Not just the things we do, like what we wish we could have said to so 'n so, or that movie we really wanted to see but conscience wouldn't let us. What if it's the very things that make up who we are that need denying?
     For instance: fear. The things you fear contribute to who you are. Do you fear failure? Death? Sickness? I've struggled with fear issues SO much. And those fears inevitably take my eyes off Jesus. Rather than determine to do whatever I can to prevent whatever it is from happening, and then leaving it to God, I'll obsess over it, dwell on it. Let it make me doubt my Lord's goodness and love. When it HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET. Get my drift here? Deny that part of yourself. Don't give it room to take over.
     What about more religiously acceptable things that imbed themselves in the way we view the world and God? Like guilt. Somehow wallowing it your own inadequacy instead of moving on can become our go-to response for when we mess up. But it's not a Biblical response.
     Depression. If you've spent any time being depressed, you know it can be really hard to get away from (and I'm talking here about regular old depression, not major mental illnesses, cause I know what a chemical imbalance in the brain can do). But sometimes, in a weird kind of a way, it feels good too. We can tie ourselves up in this straight jacket and moan about the bad things that are going to happen, or that have already happened to us, and we know that while we're all tied up we can't even try to do anything. It's too hard to get out of it and make a move to fix the problem, or to fix your attitude about the problem (which is often the bigger problem in itself). But again, that WILL get between you and Jesus. Even if you've been wallowing so much that it seems like part of your identity.

You can't get rid of an emotion with a snap of your fingers. But you can choose not to let it rule you.

     The list could go on and on. If you've got a tenacious personality, you might struggle with bitterness or obsessions (even if they're for something good). If you just really want to fix people and things, you could have a weakness to nag. If you've been a good little Christian all your life, you might be subconsciously proud of that. If you're going through a tough phase, you might get jealous of that person who looks like they have it all together. If you're a creative dreamer like me, you get so wrapped up in your plans, in your own beautiful imaginary worlds, that they can get a strangle hold on your life.
     "Follow me," Jesus says. Frankly, there's no way to remember every moment of every day, for every thought or attitude that pops up, to filter it through self-denial. But follow Jesus. 'Cause something really cool happens when you take your attention off yourself and put it on Him. All those good things start to happen automatically. They will still need conscious effort a lot of the time. But the more space you make for Jesus, the less room you have for yourself. And that's super freeing.

Once you start letting things go and giving them to Him, it becomes less like dying, and more like living.

     I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

     For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 16:25
     

Rendering Praises: Creative Life Devotional Series

Psalm 56:12
Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto Thee.

     I just looked up the definition of render to make sure I wasn't missing anything, and here are a few nuances of its meaning:

•             To deliver or transmit to someone, to yield something to someone.
•             To acknowledge dependence or obligation to someone.
•             To do a service for someone.

Also:

•             To direct the carrying out of something
•             To verbally or artistically present something.

     Praise can become a narrow concept. Christians shout "Praise God!", or if they're shy like me, they write "Praise God!" in their journal and use an exclamation point. It's good to praise God. Praise Him for your blessings, for your trials, for your answered prayers, and for other people's answered prayers. Those are like popcorn praises. They pop up and pop out from a joyful heart, giving God glory in short bursts throughout the day.
     But then there's rendering praises. Giving them. Acknowledging your obligation to God for them. Offering God a (very small) service by taking the time to not just offer Him a quick thank You, but to create something beautiful for Him. Render a praise. Make it. Speak it. Create it. Pour out your heart in a carefully arranged rendition of the life song He's given you.
     Sometimes praise is painful. When you're on your face before the Almighty, and you're heartbroken, and right now the God of the universe looks more like a monster than a loving father. Those might not be the times for popcorn praises. They're the times when your broken heart seeks the melody of faithfulness and beauty running through your life, and sings it back to the Lord, albeit in a minor key.
     The act of creation can be a praise. Art, storytelling, music. So create! Illustrate the faithful goodness, mercy, grace, and beauty of God, then offer it to Him as a praise.

     Don't just praise God. Create praises for God.

10 Books That Have Changed My Life

     I'm working on coming up with a manifesto for my blog and writing, and part of that is inexorably bound to include some thoughts on reading. I've mentioned before that books have shaped the way I think, and not only the way I think, but the way I am. My worldview. My life. It's something I feel so strongly about! But not only because I'm passionate about reading. It's not just me who's been shaped by the things I've read. History itself is a slave to its authors, its readers, and its lack thereof.
      I could totally jump into a huge dissertation on why reading, writing, and creating are so important, but those of you who are readers already know it, and those who aren't probably aren't reading this anyway. So for today I'll keep the topic bite sized. But think about this: if you want to know about a person, look at their bookshelf. It will tell you more than their words.
     There are SO many books I feel indebted to that picking only ten seems almost laughable. I've tried to pick the first ones that come to mind, of ones that have changed my outlook, made me think, made me ask questions, or truly stirred my soul. This list isn't in any particular order, and its woefully incomplete. But here goes.

The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien.
     You had to know it'd be in here! Probably the most influential series as far as turning me toward writing. Deciding what I wanted to write was a non point, thanks to these.

The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.
     Again, a no brainer for any self respecting fantasy author. But they're much more than that. I've learned so much from these books. I still re-read them to this day, and I can say they were the very first fantasy books I fell in love with as a kid. These and LOTR pretty much carry between them the blame for my career choice.

The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.
     It make me think about my actions and motives, even my subconscious. It's a scary journey in terms of self discovery.

Freckles by Gene Stratton Porter.
     This book is truly beautiful.

Tales of the Kingdom (and it's sequels) by David and Karen Mains
     These books are a wonder to me. They are all a series of short stories about a group of characters that all tie in together in one way or another, and each illustrates some point of the Christian life. But lest that sounds really preachy and blah--Nothing could be further from the truth. These are the essence of simple but powerful. Truly well written adventures in a way I can only aspire to.

Legends of Muirwood (Trilogy, beginning with The Wretched of Muirwood) by Jeff Wheeler
     I read these knowing pretty much nothing about them, and wondered if they were written by a Christian. Turns out the author is Mormon. But that aside, they pack an emotional punch and so much wisdom. They spoke to me when I was in a really dark place, about the power of changing our thoughts.

This Present Darkness By Frank Peretti.
     Pretty much anything by Mr. Peretti, but this was the first I ever read of his. Master storyteller!

Dragons in our Midst (Series) by Bryan Davis.
     I have such a soft spot for these.

The Martyr's Song by Ted Dekker.
     Actually, it's also a series, and all of them turned me into an emotional wreck. This was the shortest and simplest one (each of them can be read as a stand-alone, though there are subtle connections).

The Last Sin Eater By Francine Rivers
     Another one I always go back to.

     So tell me, what are some of your favorite books, and how have they changed your life?