Spring Fever and Life After Book 2

It's March. That means spring is on its way, right? RIGHT???? I say as I open up the draft on the wood stove to try and get the house warmed up on this spectacularly cold morning. The weather guy says it's supposed to start warming up tomorrow, and I keep checking that forecast to reassure myself that warmer days are on the way.

This week I pulled out all my seed starting supplies. Seeds, planters, grow lights, dirt, a nice card table set up under a sunny window...I even have a gardening notebook started. All in the hopes that this year isn't as wet and awful as last year was. Immeasurable amounts of hope and faith, and patience go into a garden each year. An exercise in practical faith if ever there was one. It's no wonder Jesus told so many gardening and growing parables! So in hope I planted some pepper seeds, since they need the longest head start. Watering them and watching and having faith that they'll grow, and that it'll eventually get warm enough out there to plant them. It helps to feel like spring is that much closer, I suppose.

Meanwhile, since Unmask the Night's release, I've decided to take a short hiatus from Red Wolf and get a head start on another major project that's in the works. It's another series, and I'm SOOOO excited about it, but that's about all I can give away right now. The final Red Wolf book IS started, never fear. I haven't shelved it. It's outlined, started, and planned with love, merely waiting for me to catch my breath and come back to it.

Like this winter that's dragging on, my creative spirit has been feeling frozen and wind-blasted, starved for light and warmth and growth. After the struggles of this past year, I find I'm in need of refreshment. So, like planting seeds while it's still winter, I'm sowing some creative ideas as well, watering them, and holding onto faith that one day soon they'll be beautiful, and will help nourish my spirit, and maybe someone else's as well. I've been doing some amazing reading, and taking delight in some new ideas, and it's beginning to open my eyes once again to the wonder and grace that's in the world. And now that I can start to see the wonder again, it won't be long at all before I'm ready to pick up the final installment of Red Wolf and discover where Red and Aaro's journey takes them at last.

New Year's Non-Resolutions.

Greetings, fair reader.

I'm happy to report that Unmask the Night, that most troublesome manuscript of mine, is at last in its final stages of preparation. That joyous time when writing is finished, editing is done, and my inner author finally gets to take a very small break. That hateful, tear-filled time of tedious battles with Amazon's obtuse technical specs, the endless maze of navigating Microsoft Word on an ancient laptop that freezes every thirty seconds, and muttered insults at technology everywhere. It's a time of slowly, angrily dying inside. Of creativity and free spirit weeping and quivering in a corner of my mind... Anyway, you get the idea. Book 2 of Red Wolf is getting itself made presentable. I'm a bit nervous to give a solid release date, since I know how those things tend to fall apart on me, however, I am *cautiously* optimistic in hinting that it should happen before the end of January.

I never got around to making any posts for the holiday's this year, which makes me a little sad. I hope you all had a wonderful season. Ours was very nice, even with the inevitable party overload, but very chill this year. We went very simple, and didn't even put up a tree. Yes, I missed it. But after a rough year, it was really great to simplify and just enjoy having Hubby home for those extra days, relaxing, getting extra sleep, and pulling off those parties without extra fuss.

With the end of the year, I always get introspective. I've never been big on making New Year's resolutions, but I like to take a look at my life and spend some time dreaming and thinking about where I'd like to be. This season something jumped out at me that has stuck in my brain and really influenced a lot of my intentions and goals for the coming year, both for my home, and for this blog. It was a line from The Two Towers (the movie version) which I had a chance to revisit over the holidays. Orcs have overrun Helm's Deep, and Theoden, in a daze and expecting to be wiped out, says, "What can men do against such reckless hate?" I feel like that could be the lament for our time and our culture. Everywhere I turn, whether it's social media with its endless memes, to news media, it seems like America is drowning in rage. And if not rage, then sarcasm and casual indifference. Nothing is sacred, and rudeness has no filter. For an introverted empath like myself, it can feel like any contact with the world is an attack. And when I'm dealing with my own ugliness, insecurities, anxieties, and humanity, just turning on my computer in the morning can drag me into a really dark place if I'm not careful.

I'm not making any resolutions, or setting any hard goals for anything, but this year I want to be more intentional about creating peaceful spaces. I want my home to be a haven. I want to celebrate reading nooks, potted herbs, paper and ink, hazy summer mornings and whole, nutritious foods. I want to de-clutter and clean and create an environment where my soul can be at peace. Instead of visualizing some perfect future where I can be happy because all's right in my life, my house is clean, chores are done, and magically there's nothing else on the to-do list, I want to find moments to live in. Moments where I can slow down and take it all in and remind myself to simply be alive. And I'm really hoping to be able to share some of those moments here. I'd like to create a space here, even if it's just a virtual one, to celebrate those geeky, homegrown moments of goodness. Maybe share some recipes, or talk about old fashioned things. Go all fangirl over garden weeds like dandelion and yarrow that are actually undercover superheroes. Just sayin'. Maybe it'll happen.

For now, keep an eye out for Unmask the Night. I'm hoping to get some special book-themed posts up here in the next few weeks. Super excited!

Praying for Hollywood

Hello, my lovelies!

I realize it's been a while since I've posted--again. Don't know about you, but summer always seems to get away from me. But there's always one thing for certain, as I warned a friend recently...with absence of words comes a multitude of thoughts. So much so that I never know how to even begin to sort them out. But as I was re-writing my 'about' page a few weeks ago, especially the part about the importance of storytelling, I kept thinking so much about the entertainment industry, and how... all consuming it's become.

I often wonder about American Christians in general, and myself in particular, when it comes to our entertainment diet. Everyone draws the line in a different place when it comes to our standards, and what we deem as okay in movies or books, or what we are willing to put up with for the sake of a good story. How much filth is ok? Or is it all just a matter of what you've worked out with your conscience? Is entertainment so important that we're willing to watch or listen to people who hate Christ and everything that Christianity stands for trample on our beliefs and the name of our God? How does that fit in with our calling to be holy? Should we really be partaking of any secular entertainment at all? Yet on the other hand, stories ARE important. There are many times that I've been more touched by a spiritual truth from watching a secular movie than I have from reading a Christian book. Even if they did cuss a lot. There are several rabbit trails that my brain wants to latch onto just with that statement, but I'll maybe come back to them a different day. The point is, Christians are being influenced by media and entertainment just as much as the rest of the world, and I certainly don't have all the answers to all the questions I've been asking.

Lately, it seems like, I keep hearing so much in Christian circles about praying for America, praying for our politicians, praying for revival, praying for this coming generation, praying for our missionaries. All good things. Go ahead and pray about politics-- that's a good thing. But it isn't politicians that are leading this country around by the nose. It's Hollywood. Is anyone praying for them? And I don't mean the independent Christian movie makers that are finding their niche in the Christian community. I mean mainstream Hollywood. Is anyone bothering to pray for them? Or what about the Christians who are working there? It can't be easy trying to follow Jesus in an industry that delights in scorning Him, and anyone who believes in Him. Sure, there are a few top stars that claim to be Christians... but they didn't get where they are by starring in low-budget, indie, faith-based films. Sometimes I wonder how much of a Christian you can be when half your movies are rated R. But it's not my industry. I don't know what may or may not go on behind the scenes, or how much influence they could have, if they tried, or how much influence they try to have. I can't judge, because I'm not there. It's not my spiritual journey, it's there's. And they get judged for it, from both sides. Is anyone bothering to pray for them? Just asking.

A friend and I were discussing this the other day, and how she was feeling called to pray for one celebrity in particular, and it just sort of stoked the firestorm of thought I'd already been mulling over. This is important. I need to pray for our entertainment industry. Whether its a specific person, or the body of Christ there, or just a general turning of the tide. I'm praying for them. Think about it.

Building a book: 4 Tips for Creating Deep Characters from Scratch

     I'm getting really excited about my upcoming book release! Truthfully, I've been dying to start spreading word about my newest creation!
     Interestingly, since publishing Betrayer in 2014, I've had several people, when they heard I had indie published a book, interested in how I went about the creating and publishing process. So I'd like to try and take a few blog posts to highlight some of the major steps in my journey through creation and publication. And, it's a great excuse to talk a little about my upcoming release! ;)

     Great characters are pretty much THE thing you need when you're writing fiction. Fall-in-lovable characters truly cover a multitude of writerly sins, and no matter how fantastic your concept is, or how intricately woven your plot, or how poetic your descriptions, it's all pretty much for naught if your readers can't connect with your characters. But, speaking from experience, fabulous characters don't just create themselves. There are so many GREAT blogs out there for writers, with awesome, in-depth articles on specific ways to make your characters really special, from creating the perfect villain, to making readers sympathize with your hero. But what I want to talk about is how I actually built the characters from the ground up, plus some tips to make the process a little more efficient, if you're still in the conceptual stages of your WIP.

     For my Red Wolf Trilogy, (the first book, Quench the Day, will hopefully be coming out this spring), I started out with a basic plot idea, and began to develop that first, before I found characters to fit the story. I love books with characters who will drive the story forward of their own volition. Characters who are so well developed that they sometimes misbehave and do things they weren't supposed to... and still manage to pull it off. Those kinds of characters. Here are a few things that helped in building and fine-tuning my cast of characters.

1. What kind of shoes do they have to fill?  

     First off, the basics. Namely, what kind of person would be acting the way your character needs to act? Seems pretty obvious, but sometimes boiling down the idea and stating it in a simple question helps to focus your thinking process.
     A good thing to consider at this point too would be what kind of mood you want for your story, because it's the characters, far more than your own writing voice, that are going to pull that off.
     In Quench the Day, my second MC (main character) is Aaro D'Araines, a cattle rancher and cousin to the king. He's got a pretty intense personality, which he needs in order to turn himself into an assassin. But he's not entirely dark and brooding, either. He's cocky and confident, just because he can be, but he's got enough of a sense of humor that he's not a jerk. He also has a sense of raw honesty and irony toward himself and the situations he's put in. Overall, he gives the story an intense flavor, without being oppressive or dark (at least that's what I was going for!).
     Now, I could have drastically changed the outlook of the book, and still kept the plot, if I had used a wildly sarcastic character, or a character riddled with self-doubt, or a peevish scholarly character. Don't just build a character because they can do what you want them to do, but make sure its someone who will shape the mood of your story as well.
     Contrasts often add depth. Thus the ever-popular wise-cracking antihero forced to save the world. It can get clichéd, or irritating if it's taken too far, but it's a legitimate way to spice up your story. Having your hero react in ways that are quirky or unique (gestures, thought processes, the way he phrases his words, the things he can find humor in, or the little, stupid things that rub him the wrong way), shows off his individuality, breathing life into him.

2. What is their MBTI personality type?

     This year I discovered Meyer's-Briggs personality typing, and it has been groundbreaking! As an INTJ (one of the rarest types, especially for women), suddenly I was able to understand myself better... and why I sometimes feel like an alien... but anywho. It has been SO helpful in my writing as well. You can find more info on MBTI and take the personality test here. I took the test for all of my main characters, and for some more minor characters who were giving me a hard time. I can't even begin to express how helpful this was! It brought a sense of clarity and depth with the personality type descriptions that made my job of digging into characters' minds much easier. It brought together their actions, reactions, and thought processes, and helped iron out some wishy-washy characters.
     My other MC in Quench, Rowan, was giving me a hard time for a while. I knew she needed to be outspoken, willful, strong and confident, but also smart and logical. She has a temper, but isn't ruled by it. But getting that fine line in the right place turned out to be a little tricky. Taking the personality test for her, I found out she's and ENTP-- extroverted, intuitive, thinking, perceiving. The personality that's an extrovert, but also a lone wolf, a maverick, a devil's advocate, and a master conversationalist.  She can provoke anyone, but then bluff her way out of it. Someone who's too smart and outspoken for their own good. It pinned down the details of her character that I was struggling with, and gave me insight into how she would think. It suggested some common traits for ENTP personalities that I hadn't considered, that I was able to tweak for Rowan and others characters. Jackpot!

3. Pinterest!

     While this isn't, perhaps, super necessary, I found it fun and helpful to put together a Pinterest board for my two MCs, plus the villain. Let's face it, who doesn't imagine what their character would look like if they stepped onto the silver screen? It's great to put together some visual cues on how your characters look and dress, quotes that sound like them, plus other relevant tidbits. It keeps things fresh and exciting.

     Here are the boards I put together for my MCs.
     Rowan.
     Aaro.
     Ormand.

4. What drives them?

     This is the place where personality type, character history, and their special spark of individuality all collide. You have to ask, "What would motivate a character like this to do something like that?" Turning a decent guy into a murderer. Making an independent girl willingly marry someone who's almost a stranger. What makes them tick? This is also a great place to start looking for theme, but we're not talking about theme yet, so this is me, sticking to topic.
     You end up playing psychologist, criminologist, and detective all at once. Look at the events of your plot, look at your characters' personalities, look at their history, and then start digging deep. Boil it down to one word, if you can. One trait that drives their actions and decisions. And then explore all the facets of that trait.
     For Aaro, his outstanding trait is loyalty. It makes him protective toward his friends and the people he's responsible for, slow to act rashly, and in return, it attracts loyalty from others. But once broken and twisted, that same sense of loyalty consumes him with a need for revenge. It's really interesting to take a trait like that and explore all the positive and negative ways that it would play out, and then put them into action, not just in regards the main plot, but in the nuances of all their interactions.

     I hope this peek into my character creation process was helpful! It was actually pretty cool for me to go through and pin down some of the steps I went through in this latest book as well. Plus, getting to give a sneak peak at some of my characters for the first time is pretty exciting!
     I'm hoping to continue this book creation series with some more reveals about the upcoming release of Quench the Day, culminating in some book giveaways, so stay tuned! In the mean time, tell me what you think. Are there any secret weapons you use for creating great characters? I'd love to hear about them!

When Writing and Life Merge.

     Well, I hope you can all forgive me for being delinquent yet again with my posting schedule. Part of that last week was thanks to looking forward to having a couple wisdom teeth pulled - and by "looking forward" I mean the 'anticipating my last day on earth' type of looking forward. Thankfully, it wasn't my last day on earth, and after spending most of the week on the couch binge watching super corny fantasy/sci-fi/horror shows on Kindle (because, seriously, after getting two teeth dug out in pieces and being awake for it, who couldn't commiserate with a little slasher, monster action?),
I'm finally corralling my brain into a semblance of functionality again. Getting there as least.
     Anyhow, on to topic. I've been thinking lately about how much being a writer has influenced me. From the decisions I make, to the books and television that I really love or really don't love - really it's shaped my world view in general, probably almost as much as Christianity has. Writing has never been as simple as a career choice, or a hobby. It's been who I am for almost as long as I've been anybody at all - by which I mean since I grew out of my obligatory childhood obsession with horses as was able to start making informed opinions and decisions. So I guess, thanks to that, it's always been so ingrained that I don't even give it much thought any more, except for once in awhile when I realize I've just done, or am contemplating, something that most people would never even dream of, much less consider. Or if they do, it's not for the same reasons. Or when I realize the thread of thought I'm following is just so bizarre it's a good thing no one can read my mind...
     This past weekend was one of those times.
      If I was a character in one of my stories, I'd be the little hermit lady living on the mountain, gathering herbs and milking goats, and keeping chickens, that's about two marbles away from being crazy, but the heroes, out of desperation, drag their dying comrade through the forbidden forest, fending off my pet dragon, to seek my herbalist wisdom to cure their friend. Yeah - I'm that character. Not the beautiful warrior maiden or the powerful queen. The crazy hermit. In real life I do keep a flock of chickens, have a garden, do canning and dehydrating, make every single thing we eat from scratch, and pick wild edible things, like huckleberries, dandelion, yarrow, peppermint, and elderberry, though I haven't found a good local source for elderberry yet. (By way of disclaimer, this is NOT any kind of medical blog, nor will it ever be. Nor am I a medical professional. I'm not offering advice, only sharing some interesting experiences. If this sparks your interest, I'd encourage you to do some reading of your own, and remember, it's taken me thirty years to get this crazy. It wasn't something I went looking for over night o.0 )
     Anyway, I say all this to introduce the fact that I've already been harvesting yarrow for years, and am fairly well acquainted with many of its medicinal uses, like stopping bleeding, reducing fever and pain, and fighting infection, etc. It's pretty much a super star in its own right. Aside from the herbalist and homesteading blogging community, you don't really hear much about it, but historically, it's been used in fist aid applications for millennia. Something that any savvy novelist would be happy to know and file for future reference. Lately one of my friends who's also into obscure herb lore was saying how she's making yarrow salve, and I thought that sounded like a good idea, especially since I hadn't gotten any dried and put away yet for the year. So Sunday afternoon I dragged Hubby out with the 4-wheeler to take me yarrow picking on the family farm. Then, stocked with a bag full of fresh yarrow, some oil, string, and mortar and pestle, just like the crazy herbalist character, I went to work...

     Yes, I do, in fact, own a marble mortar and pestle set. Just to get that out of the way...
     So, while I'm using castor oil for the salve, which will need to marinate for a couple weeks before beeswax gets added, I also did a tiny little batch with olive oil, crushing the yarrow extra well, and heating the oil a little bit so that it would be ready to use right away. Call it my writer's eagerness to experiment, but I was like hey - wisdom teeth out on Monday, let's see if this stuff actually works. And for the record - yes it does. Also for the record, I used olive instead of castor oil on the small batch because I haven't tried castor oil anywhere but on my skin, and since I thought I might be using it in my mouth, I wanted to play it safe. Even though people do swallow castor oil. *Shudders*
     Right now you're probably thinking "Man...even by writer's standards you're crazy." But that's not entirely true. I would have used my yarrow concoction with or without the incentive of "research," because it's something I had confidence in. I've used it before, and read a lot about it. It's real-world applicable, not just interesting for the sake of writing. And I wouldn't have used it unless I actually needed it. But after getting home from having teeth pulled, and not being able to get them to stop bleeding (probably because I was having a little panic attack at the time), I did use my yarrow/olive oil solution on them, and it stopped it. Instantly.
     So, loooong story short, now I not only have reading knowledge of how something might work in the world of story, I have first-hand experience! Woohoo! Though I wouldn't have complained about a less emotional and painful way of getting it... still. The fact that, in the middle of a completely miserable day of turture, the thing that pops into a writer's mind is "well, this sucks. Maybe I can use it in a book some time," seems to point to writers being not fully human. A sub species, perhaps? There's a standing joke with one of my friends that I'm part were-wolf. Maybe there's some truth to that. On the other hand, maybe writers are the most human of all. Because of anyone, we have the most cause to embrace our pain, and to own our experiences, both good and bad. When you read a book and it touches something deep down in your soul, and makes you cry, or surprises you into laughter, or begins to heal a hurt - I guarantee that's the author's own blood, dripping invisibly onto the page and reaching out to you. Instead of trying to forget their horrible experiences, they've harnessed them, and used them to infuse truth into their fiction, mixing a potent brew as powerful as any spell, capable of healing, or wounding, of changing hearts or changing the world.

Minding Your Own Business: Creative Life Devotional Series

     Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, "Lord, and what will this man do?"
     Jesus saith unto him, "If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? Follow thou Me."
     John 21:21,22

     In the last chapter of John, Jesus had a talk with Peter, telling him he would become a martyr. John was there as well, following, and that's when Peter turned around and saw him, and asked Jesus what his fate would be. Jesus basically tells Peter to mind his own business.
     Ouch, right?
     I don't know what Peter's motive was for asking about his friend, whether he was worried about him, or whether he was feeling a little bitter, being told that he'd die a martyr's death. After the episode just a couple chapters back where Peter denied Jesus, right after saying he'd be willing to die for Him, he's probably still pretty contrite, so it seems like a fair guess that Peter's motive for asking was well intentioned. Still, Jesus tells him bluntly not to worry about John, just worry about following Jesus.
     When I question other people's lives and wonder how everything seems to come so easy to them, my motives aren't always that good.
     I see fellow Christians, and it seems to me that they've been handed everything they need on a silver platter. I see them breeze through routine things that are a part of life, while I struggle and agonize over those same things. They probably think the same thing of me, of course. That I live a charmed life in a beautiful house with a great marriage, two cars in the garage, dogs, chickens, a garden, and a Kindle full of e-books. They haven't been inside my head to know the things that I cry over and struggle with, the things that are killing me inside. Things that they would just shrug off and say "Why is that a problem?" Meanwhile, while I'm internalizing everything, I look at them and think, how can you be so blind that you don't care?
     The truth is, they can't see fully what's going on with me, all the ways God is working in my life, and I can't see their internal world, and what is truly going on below the surface with them. So to let myself be jealous, or to question when it seems like I carry burdens that no one else does, is to question God's grace. Why does so'n so get more than I do? Why is it so easy for them?
     Well, A: It isn't necessarily easier for them. They have struggles and burdens I can't see. B: They might be struggling less because they're obsessing less. Or because they understand more. C: It's none of my business.
      Who knows the mind of God? Who can listen to what He whispers into any heart but their own? That thing that you just can't forgive because What's-His-Name just doesn't seem repentant? Well, what "seems" to be going on in his head is none of your business. Your business is to do what Jesus asks of you, namely, forgive. When you gossip about that other friend because she went back to doing that, that's not helping her. That's just ruining someone else's good opinion of her, and who knows if that person to whom you whispered your gossip would have offered some encouragement to your friend that would have helped her, if they hadn't been turned off by your words?
     All I'm saying here, is that you and I just don't know enough to make assumptions about whether God is treating someone else better or worse. What we know is what He's told us individually: Follow Me. Love each other, encourage each other, teach each other, even offer correction when necessary, but at the end of the day, you can't change them, and you can't change God, and sometimes questioning His designs for someone else can lead to bitterness and distrust.

     On a side note, I've found this really true in my life on a professional basis, with juggling my writing career, waitress job, and homemaking responsibilities. I see other people who seem so much more successful ALL THE TIME, in all of those areas. They're better homemakers, better at pursuing a money making career, or they're living the creative life, publishing books and apparently holding their dreams in their hands.
     Dwelling on other peoples' success ALWAYS makes me unhappy and dissatisfied with where I'm at. I wonder: 'What's wrong with me?' 'What am I even doing here?' I'm thirty years old and still a waitress at a small town restaurant. My mother-in-law (and pretty much everyone else) can run circles around me when it comes to keeping things organized, clean, planned, and put together. I read homemaking blogs about menu planning and it makes me see red. I have to remind myself that that's their life. They're living out their own struggles and callings, just like I am. And the things that I've gone through and the things that don't come easy for me, the dreams that I'm still longing for, they make me uniquely me. They make my relationship with my Lord unique. And that makes me a piece of God's puzzle that can't be replaced or duplicated. I'm not like everyone else, and no one else is like me, but we still fit together, and fill a hole no one else could.

Deny Yourself: Creative Life Devotional Series

     Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."

     This is comes from a great little section of verses: "whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it..." and "what is a man profited if he gain the whole word, and lose his own soul?" Hopefully at some point I'll be able to take a look at all of them together, with their soul shattering message of all-or-nothing commitment to Jesus. But what jumped out at me recently was the first part of verse 24: "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself..."
     The verse sort of builds on itself as it goes. "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself." He has to throw away his own desires. But on top of that, he also has to "take up his cross." Denying yourself pretty much sounds like torture most of the time. So go ahead and pick up that instrument of torture and death. But don't just pick it up. Start walking. "Follow me," the verse says next. Follow Jesus right to Calvary and die to yourself-- for the rest of your life.
     Am I the only one that kind of hates this verse a good share of the time?
      But let me back up to that part about denying yourself again. It always gets tossed in with the rest like an unpleasant grocery list; deny yourself, take up your cross, follow me...we get it. It's a concept as serious as death. Following Jesus is always a matter of life or death. But there's more to it than just the common conception of denying what you want, what makes you happy, to be miserable and religious--ahem--I mean sober and faithful. We usually think of denying ourselves things or activities that might be sinful, or unprofitable. But what about denying our selves?
     When I think of myself I think generally of my whole being. My body, spirit, heart and mind. All the thoughts and emotions and habits and patterns that make up who I truly am. It's a hot mess of good intentions and evil motivations. Desiring to follow Jesus and failing to do so, and all the while continuing with the habits and thought patterns that feed my identity. What if it's that self that Jesus wants us to deny? Not just the things we do, like what we wish we could have said to so 'n so, or that movie we really wanted to see but conscience wouldn't let us. What if it's the very things that make up who we are that need denying?
     For instance: fear. The things you fear contribute to who you are. Do you fear failure? Death? Sickness? I've struggled with fear issues SO much. And those fears inevitably take my eyes off Jesus. Rather than determine to do whatever I can to prevent whatever it is from happening, and then leaving it to God, I'll obsess over it, dwell on it. Let it make me doubt my Lord's goodness and love. When it HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET. Get my drift here? Deny that part of yourself. Don't give it room to take over.
     What about more religiously acceptable things that imbed themselves in the way we view the world and God? Like guilt. Somehow wallowing it your own inadequacy instead of moving on can become our go-to response for when we mess up. But it's not a Biblical response.
     Depression. If you've spent any time being depressed, you know it can be really hard to get away from (and I'm talking here about regular old depression, not major mental illnesses, cause I know what a chemical imbalance in the brain can do). But sometimes, in a weird kind of a way, it feels good too. We can tie ourselves up in this straight jacket and moan about the bad things that are going to happen, or that have already happened to us, and we know that while we're all tied up we can't even try to do anything. It's too hard to get out of it and make a move to fix the problem, or to fix your attitude about the problem (which is often the bigger problem in itself). But again, that WILL get between you and Jesus. Even if you've been wallowing so much that it seems like part of your identity.

You can't get rid of an emotion with a snap of your fingers. But you can choose not to let it rule you.

     The list could go on and on. If you've got a tenacious personality, you might struggle with bitterness or obsessions (even if they're for something good). If you just really want to fix people and things, you could have a weakness to nag. If you've been a good little Christian all your life, you might be subconsciously proud of that. If you're going through a tough phase, you might get jealous of that person who looks like they have it all together. If you're a creative dreamer like me, you get so wrapped up in your plans, in your own beautiful imaginary worlds, that they can get a strangle hold on your life.
     "Follow me," Jesus says. Frankly, there's no way to remember every moment of every day, for every thought or attitude that pops up, to filter it through self-denial. But follow Jesus. 'Cause something really cool happens when you take your attention off yourself and put it on Him. All those good things start to happen automatically. They will still need conscious effort a lot of the time. But the more space you make for Jesus, the less room you have for yourself. And that's super freeing.

Once you start letting things go and giving them to Him, it becomes less like dying, and more like living.

     I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

     For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. Matthew 16:25
     

Rendering Praises: Creative Life Devotional Series

Psalm 56:12
Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto Thee.

     I just looked up the definition of render to make sure I wasn't missing anything, and here are a few nuances of its meaning:

•             To deliver or transmit to someone, to yield something to someone.
•             To acknowledge dependence or obligation to someone.
•             To do a service for someone.

Also:

•             To direct the carrying out of something
•             To verbally or artistically present something.

     Praise can become a narrow concept. Christians shout "Praise God!", or if they're shy like me, they write "Praise God!" in their journal and use an exclamation point. It's good to praise God. Praise Him for your blessings, for your trials, for your answered prayers, and for other people's answered prayers. Those are like popcorn praises. They pop up and pop out from a joyful heart, giving God glory in short bursts throughout the day.
     But then there's rendering praises. Giving them. Acknowledging your obligation to God for them. Offering God a (very small) service by taking the time to not just offer Him a quick thank You, but to create something beautiful for Him. Render a praise. Make it. Speak it. Create it. Pour out your heart in a carefully arranged rendition of the life song He's given you.
     Sometimes praise is painful. When you're on your face before the Almighty, and you're heartbroken, and right now the God of the universe looks more like a monster than a loving father. Those might not be the times for popcorn praises. They're the times when your broken heart seeks the melody of faithfulness and beauty running through your life, and sings it back to the Lord, albeit in a minor key.
     The act of creation can be a praise. Art, storytelling, music. So create! Illustrate the faithful goodness, mercy, grace, and beauty of God, then offer it to Him as a praise.

     Don't just praise God. Create praises for God.